alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
