Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
