so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
