Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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