Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
