Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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