I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
