respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
