You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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