Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
