The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You did what with his pubic hair?
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