first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize