Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
