just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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