do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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