Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
