I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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