Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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