Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
