so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Randomize
