I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
