Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
