Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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