remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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