Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
