she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
