Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
