I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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