we have officially lost it.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
