By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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