dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize