It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize