WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
