you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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