I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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