mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
