My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
