What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
