also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
