just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
This house was built for laser tag.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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