Apparently you make a good broom.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize