I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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