youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
