I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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