I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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