id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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