Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
