Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
