My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
