At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
