he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
