I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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