fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
