I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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