dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize