i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
