When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
