do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
high people should be assigned attendants
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
