he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize