So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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