if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
They are going to name an STD after you.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
