watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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