one word: firstdatebathroomanal
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
