Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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