I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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