My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
BRING THE BAGELS
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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