you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
