I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
