What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize