eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
