I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
