Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
