Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I love having hate sex.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
