Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
