New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
