Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
