i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
