I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
