I didn't shave. On purpose
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
