I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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