I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
