wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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