So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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