from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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