now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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