So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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